


falling apart, pulling together

by rectifyinflux



Series: Two Pieces [7]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Pining, its a bit sad cuz its unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-09 15:39:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1988406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rectifyinflux/pseuds/rectifyinflux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Melinda May, post-Bahrain. She wants this part of Phil, the part that’s hers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	falling apart, pulling together

She demotes herself to level 3, trading in views of different parts of the world from her cockpit for a desk with a computer and a lamp. Her thermos is by the edge, filled to the brim with piping hot coffee – “You’ll need it,” Phil grins.

Stapling interdepartmental memos were harmless. Stack the papers, align, staple. The thwack of the stapler putting together papers calms her, an indicator of a job done.

There are things to file. Data to input into fields. Boxes of reports to sort through.

She likes the routine, the monotony – it’s comfortable.

 

 

Phil comes back, all smiles and it makes the entire place less dreary. He’s talking about dinner, how she’s coming with him even if he has to drag her there; not that he ever could, but she never fights.

She’s glad for the company.

She likes their routine. If she’s feeling a bit off, she lets herself pretend that this is what a normal life would be like – if she hadn’t been raised in the life of espionage and was just normal.

She’d be a desk clerk. Phil would come home, talking about his job but never too much that he isolated her, just enough for him to share the other part of him.

They have a small house – it’s just the two of them now, their kids were grown up. Skye would call often, complaining of all the ways Ward still acted robotic and Ward himself would be defensive, whining about how she pushed his buttons; Phil would chuckle, telling them to break it up and she’d remind them to come home sometime.

It’s nice. She’d have a family.

Melinda continues to pretend.

 

 

It all stops after Portland. Phil’s all smiles as usual but there’s something else – he’s dreamy, as if his heads somewhere in the clouds.

He tells her about the mission over Tom Yum as the flush spreads over his face, he’s never been able to hold the spicy foods but the man loved it. There’s something different. She’s usually silent during this – today, she’s trying to figure it out.

And then he says it. Her name. In a way she’s never heard before.

Audrey. The cellist. The one he’d saved from Daniels.

He’s bright-eyed, speaking animatedly his gestures rivaling the words and there’s that dreamy tone again. She pushes her food at this point – her appetite’s gone.

“She’s moving to New York.”

Her stomach drops.

It’s selfish of her. He deserves to be happy. After all he’s done for her, since the Academy, after Bahrain, he deserves this. Someone who could love him, and not be afraid to show it. Someone not broken, who doesn’t wake up screaming at the blood that’s long gone, fighting the demons that aren’t there. Someone not her.

He’s always been supportive – it’s her turn. They’re friends – best friends, she amends. That’s what they do.

But she’s selfish. If she can’t have all of him, she’ll settle for this. She wants this part of Phil, the part that’s _hers_.

He wants them to meet. To introduce his best friend and his kids.

She smiles – it’s tight, polite the kind she’s seen her mother wear.

 

 

Audrey’s nice. She’s perfect for Phil – smiles almost as much as he does, genuinely laughs at his jokes, but she’s calmer; Melinda doesn’t miss the hand she places on his whenever he gets too excited and begins talking too fast.

It’s awkward. She doesn’t know what to say – and she’s not sure there’s anything to be said.

She feels a tap on her knee. “Alright, Mel?”

Skye’s telling Audrey about the time she tried to learn piano, Ward laughs and then he’s telling them about the orchestra he’d heard in Vienna. Audrey jumps into conversation just as Ward and Skye start to bicker, telling them the time she accidentally tripped on stage.

“She’s great.” Her reply is automatic – but it’s sincere.

Phil grins. She forces herself to smile.

 

 

Phil’s sending Audrey home, leaving Melinda sandwiched between Ward and Skye as they make their way back to the apartments.

“You were quiet,” Ward says, “More so than usual.”

Her eyes are locked on the road, watching the slight fog swirling, illuminated by the headlights as cars drive by. She can feel them exchanging looks, having that silent conversation she knows they’re not even aware of.

Skye slips an arm through hers, snuggling closer. “It’s alright. You’re still our Mom.” She grins at Ward who nods in assent, squeezing her hand.

Melinda hadn’t realized she was afraid of that until then, turning to face Skye. The girl’s eyes are big and brown as always but there’s understanding. Skye knows. She drops her head onto Melinda’s shoulder, as Ward links his arm on her other side.

Maybe nothing has to change.

**Author's Note:**

> I was working on May's chapter of we are ripe to fall and this happened instead. I blame The Fray.  
> Leave me your thoughts?


End file.
